Tying The Knot (1)

By
yagoob
 – February 3, 2008Posted in: Arts and Culture, Bahrainian Stuff, Celebrations, Health
Tying The Knot (1)

The reason I haven’t been active on the blog is that I have decided to get engaged to the love of my life *Woohoo!*

And I must tell you it has been a rollercoaster ride!

I proposed (meaning that my mother called her mother as we do in Bahrain) on New Years Day. After the proposal, the parents of the bride go and ‘ask about’ the groom from their friends and Bahrain being the tiny country it is, everyone knows eachother and can find out everything about you including your favourite cereal and CPR number!

A week later and they finally decided to give me the green light to marry their daughter after hearing good things of me in addition to my squeaky clean reputation (alhamdulillah) and want to meet me.

The week after, The men of our family (my brothers, uncle and cousins) and myself went to the bride’s home to “officially” ask her hand in marriage, and I got the chance to see her (Following the Sunna of the Prophet Mohammed PBUH). On that day, I felt the most self-conscious I have ever felt in my entire life! A terrible experience but every groom has to go through it!

ويهك جنه طماطة

Next came the date and the ‘mahar’ (the nuptial gift), and here was where I faced my first problem.

Unfortunately, in our society, many families ask huge ‘mahars’ reaching the realms of six and seven thousand dinars, and for a young Bahraini graduate whose salary is a tad over 400 BD it is a big ask. I had worked really hard to save up the ‘mahar’ that was in my mind by working three different jobs and neglecting my health, so as you would expect I was shocked and heartbroken when I heard the amount they were asking which was a few thousand over my budget. After speaking to her father and explaining to him the lengths I have gone to saving this amount and my complete situation he said:

ما يصير خاطرك إلا طيب و احنا نشتري الريال

So ilhamdulilah we managed to reach an agreement to the mahar I saved up…

In Bahrain, the law states that any couple intending to marry must first do a pre marriage medical test which includes blood tests for STDs and Genetic Blood Diseases such as Sickle Cell anemia and Thalassemia which are common in Bahrain due to the nature of Bahraini society where people usually marry from within the family (first or second cousins).

So, we did the tests and found out that my fiancee is a Sickle cell carrier whereas I am a Thalassemia Beta carrier. This means that we have a 25% chance that our children will get a hybrid disease called sickle cell thalassemia which symptoms are similar of those of sickle cell anemia. This made me think a lot, am I prepared to bring a sick child into the world? Am I to consider abortion if we discover the child is indeed sick??

From an Islamic point of view, abortion is allowed until the baby has completed 4 months in the womb, when the soul enters the body and the child’s heart starts to beat. After that, any abortion is considered murder of the child.

At the end, we both decided that we will be together because no one knows what will happen in the future and no one knows what kinds of medical developments can happen in the next few years, surrounding such diseases.

Now all that is left is the parties!

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