The reason I haven’t been active on the blog is that I have decided to get engaged to the love of my life *Woohoo!*
And I must tell you it has been a rollercoaster ride!
I proposed (meaning that my mother called her mother as we do in Bahrain) on New Years Day. After the proposal, the parents of the bride go and ‘ask about’ the groom from their friends and Bahrain being the tiny country it is, everyone knows eachother and can find out everything about you including your favourite cereal and CPR number!
A week later and they finally decided to give me the green light to marry their daughter after hearing good things of me in addition to my squeaky clean reputation (alhamdulillah) and want to meet me.
The week after, The men of our family (my brothers, uncle and cousins) and myself went to the bride’s home to “officially” ask her hand in marriage, and I got the chance to see her (Following the Sunna of the Prophet Mohammed PBUH). On that day, I felt the most self-conscious I have ever felt in my entire life! A terrible experience but every groom has to go through it!
ويهك جنه طماطة
Next came the date and the ‘mahar’ (the nuptial gift), and here was where I faced my first problem.
Unfortunately, in our society, many families ask huge ‘mahars’ reaching the realms of six and seven thousand dinars, and for a young Bahraini graduate whose salary is a tad over 400 BD it is a big ask. I had worked really hard to save up the ‘mahar’ that was in my mind by working three different jobs and neglecting my health, so as you would expect I was shocked and heartbroken when I heard the amount they were asking which was a few thousand over my budget. After speaking to her father and explaining to him the lengths I have gone to saving this amount and my complete situation he said:
ما يصير خاطرك إلا طيب و احنا نشتري الريال
So ilhamdulilah we managed to reach an agreement to the mahar I saved up…
In Bahrain, the law states that any couple intending to marry must first do a pre marriage medical test which includes blood tests for STDs and Genetic Blood Diseases such as Sickle Cell anemia and Thalassemia which are common in Bahrain due to the nature of Bahraini society where people usually marry from within the family (first or second cousins).
So, we did the tests and found out that my fiancee is a Sickle cell carrier whereas I am a Thalassemia Beta carrier. This means that we have a 25% chance that our children will get a hybrid disease called sickle cell thalassemia which symptoms are similar of those of sickle cell anemia. This made me think a lot, am I prepared to bring a sick child into the world? Am I to consider abortion if we discover the child is indeed sick??
From an Islamic point of view, abortion is allowed until the baby has completed 4 months in the womb, when the soul enters the body and the child’s heart starts to beat. After that, any abortion is considered murder of the child.
At the end, we both decided that we will be together because no one knows what will happen in the future and no one knows what kinds of medical developments can happen in the next few years, surrounding such diseases.
Now all that is left is the parties!
Wow! This is great news!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!
Im just curious…but I wonder why Bahrainis insist to keep to the old ways and marry their cousins when the possibility of these inherited diseases are such a risk? If you want your nation to be stong of body and of mind…you might have to venture a little further from the family tree. I realize its a cultural thing thats probably hard to get passed but in the end the health and well being of your future children(Insha Allah)are what mattters most…right?
ill say it again, a thousand congratulations
self-conscious… lol.. i totally feel you! i had to go through that too
i dont understand families that say ok, you need to pay like 3 million dinars mahar, because in the end youre committing the guy shes gonna marry, her husband, the guy whose supposed to take care of her, to brokedom! or at least, to thousands in debt… stupid… its supposed to be a token, not a paycheck… anyway, im glad you resolved it…
**From an Islamic point of view, abortion is allowed until the baby has completed 4 months in the womb**
is this true? im not very familiar but i assumed (or more literally was fed the information without my knowledge by living here) that abortion was haram.
Mabrook to both of you, may Allah grant you many healthy children and keep you happy for the rest of your lives. Getting married was the best decision I have ever made, and I hope that you too enjoy the same situation.
Congrats!
Mabroook Bro, I just went through getting married a few months back, and boy oh boy your rollercoaster ride didn’t Start yet, haha.
As mahmood said, getting married is one of the best things you can do, so far I’m happy and don’t see any of the horor stories people pured into my ears when I announced that ill go for it.
I wish you and your wife a happy life and a relaxed wedding party.
once again, congrats bro.
Oh! Congrats from me too..
@Hasan: Thank you! الفال لك ان شاء الله
@Lee: Since the introduction of the pre-marital medical, many Bahrainis have gained awareness of the dangers of genetic blood diseases and marriages within the family have slightly become less attractive to young people.
@Ammaro: Thanks again, and I totally agree with you and I’m glad that we resolved it too lol. As for abortion, a lot of people told me it was Haram and stuff but after speaking to a sheikh and my electronic mufti ‘Sheikh Google’ , i understood that the embryo in the womb does not become a child until 4 months into pregnancy, so pre 4 months, the baby is not alive yet (because the heart is not beating) so it cannot be considered murder if the child isn’t alive yet. But still, abortion is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly!
@Mahmood: Thank you and I’m already praying that our children will be healthy inshalla, and it’s always good to hear positive stuff about married life where everyone else is like ‘Why are you getting married? You crazy or something??!’
@Eyad: Thanks my friend and I’m glad you are enjoying married life and inshalla you keep enjoying it for years and years to come.
@Ali7: Last but not least, Thank you and الفال لك إذا ما كنت معرس خخخخخ
awww congraaats
Congrats Yaqoub.
مبروك يعقوب
والله كريم..
بس المهم جم نقيت مهر يعني.. بدون لف أو دوران.. يعني جم ألف زود عن ميزانيتك..
الكسيف
Well..
congratulations!
It’s nice to hear some good news after all!
I hope that ur children falls on the 75% healthy percantage and that u and ur hobby don’t go through the tragedy of having a sick child!
Well, well, well
You know Y3goob we women started a rumour few weeks ago that you’re about to get engaged soon and when I read your topic today I said “BAM” isn’t it amazing when we “women” start a rumour and it turns out to be true after all lol
@Naz: Thank You!
@BuZain: Thanks my friend
@الكسيف:
والله ياخوك خطيبتي تستاهل مهر اكثر بس الحمدلله ابوها عطاني ديسكونت لان حس بالوضع المأساوي للشباب البحريني مسكين ما قصر معاي و الله يطول في عمره ان شاء الله و المهر بين 3 و 5 آلاف طال عمرك
@Bride Zone: Thank you oo allah yisma3 minich inshalla
@HEARSAY: mashalla! 3aad inshalla you placed a bet so that you can give me 50%…actually 60% because I’m broke from the winnings
Alf Alf Mabrook Yagoob.
I am really happy for you! Sorry couldn’t make it for that day, but I am really happy for you.
As for the “tomato” bit, for some reason, I didn’t go through this. I was cold as ice and casual like nothing.
My brother went nuts! He was yelling at me: “aren’t you nervous?”
“No”
“YOU SHOULD BE!”
“Why?”
“YOU GETTING ENGAGED FOR GOD’S SAKE!”
“so?”
“AAARRRRRGHGHGHGGHGH”
So yeah, went in, said hi, had dinner and went for sheesha later on. I don’t know what the fuss is about really!
@Redbelt: mashallah 3alaik cool as a cucumber…I’m feeling a craving for some salad all of a sudden